The key to happiness: Satisfaction

I was talking to a friend whom I haven't been in touch with for a while today and found out that she was going to attend an Ivy League university in September. So of course, I congratulated her and told her that I was proud of her - and I was. Even during that short time when we attended the same primary school, I knew that she was an exceptional girl and would go far... and she did.

But I couldn't help feeling a teeny bit jealous. I mean - I'm at a good university, studying something that I'm passionate about (hopefully...) and having an awesome time. So why the hell was I jealous?

To help you better understand my psyche, I'll give you a little bit more background to the story. Our primary school was a fairly competitive one and at the end of every year, the best student of each class was invited to the annual prizegiving. And every year, it was either her or me. So I guess back then, I always compared myself to her. I didn't see my results in terms of 'good results' or 'bad results' - but rather in terms of 'better than X' or 'worse than X'. Oh, did I mention that we were best friends, on top of that? But anyways - long story cut short: her family eventually moved to America, and we eventually drifted out of touch, until today.


Flashback: 7 years ago

Back then, when she'd get 1st place and I'd get 2nd, I'd sulk. Now, I realized, I was falling back into my old habit of sulking again.

That's when it struck me - I was never going to be happy if I wasn't satisfied with the way my life is. I'd always be comparing myself to others - now, I might be envious that she's going to an Ivy League college. Later on in life, I might envy my peers' lifestyle, their possessions, their happiness...

And as long as I kept on thinking along these lines, I was never going to be satisfied with my own life - and I was never going to be happy.

As the saying goes - the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. None of our lives are perfect, but mine is pretty damned good - I don't have to worry about where my next meal was gonna come from, I have a loving family & supportive friends and I have all the intellectual stimulation I can ever need at my current university.

All I wish now is that I actually meant my congradulations when I said it... that'll keep me guilty for the rest of eternity! Okay, I exaggerate... but seriously, a tinge of guilt combined with self pity isn't really the happiness cocktail we all wish we knew how to make.

Aside: She draws way better than I do too!!! Must she be blessed with everything!?