Horrorscopes (not meant to be taken seriously)

Horoscopes aren't meant to be taken seriously (at least, in my humble opinion... of course, I have friends who would beg to differ.) They usually tell us exactly what we want to hear, imparting to us a little bit of wisdom like - don't spend too much, be optimistic, be ready to fall in love, etc!

Let me present to you the alternative of horoscopes - Horrorscopes.

Try not to take it too seriously. Enjoy.

Aries (Mar 21-Apr19)
Today, your pigheadedness (or should I said, ram-headedness) will land you in terrible trouble. Try not to punch the policemen while they take you away for questioning and try not to yell at them either. If you behave politely, they'll think you're more sincere, even if you're not. Try to resolve your problem today, or you will end up in worse trouble.

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
Today you will meet someone who will become obsessively in love with you. You will feel pressured into responding to this emotion in some way. Whatever you do, treat this situation with caution. Donot toy with the emotions of someone you're not interested in.

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
Today your other half will break up with you, telling you it's because of your fickleness. Don't try to change the topic - because then he/she will accuse you of having a short attention span too.


Cancer (Jun 21 - Jul 22)
Today you will feel particularly insecure and as a result you'll try to become more altruistic. You will also become highly emotional, so talking to a Capricorn might cheer you up.
 
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
For once, your charm isn't quite working for you. People aren't paying you as much attention as you would like and you're upset. For once stop being so self centered and try to feel for others around you.
 
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
You're always worried about work. About your loved ones. About everything else. You might have an anxiety disorder. You should consult with the doctor ASAP.
 
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22)
Yup we know you've carried a grudge against someone for years now. And unfortunately, that person will come back into your life with a very signifcant role. Maybe it's time to make amends?
 
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Are you jealous of someone? Perhaps its time to admit that you're jealous, to yourself at least. Afterall, you can't be the best at everything.
 
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Have you made a promise that you really can't keep? Well, maybe it's a good idea to tell the person you promised that you really can't do what you said you would... and keep your fingers crossed. 
 
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
A highly emotional Cancer will try to talk to you today. Whatever happens, don't talk to him/her.
 
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Everyone thinks you're temperamental, so change.
 
Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
You're desire to escape reality has consumed you over the past few months. You must do something to change before it's too late.